I will say straight out, that this entire Kayne West/Kim Kardashian social media feud is giving me PTSD. It really is. And while the entire globe is gobbling up this ‘entertainment’ it seems, I am just cringing. I seriously feel so incredibly bad for Kim Kardashian. And trust me, I am not one of her fans. But as a fellow woman…who has been through this, my heart just breaks for her. It is also scary to think how much of a nightmare it would have been for me if my ex had the money that Kanye has access to.
It’s interesting though — my ex loved Kanye West. To be fair, I did too. I mean I played his Graduation album non-stop after it came out. He is such a gifted artist and music producer. That really can’t be denied.
Now I am not going to sit here and play armchair psychiatrist here, but Kanye probably always had some megalomaniac/narcissistic tendencies, but I think that all of that was elevated to a new level after the sudden death of his mother in 2007. He still made great music, but after the Yeezus album in 2013, he started to lose my interest. I can’t explain it, but there was this negative, foreboding spirit to his music — and that just had no appeal to me.
There are a million reason why a relationship doesn’t work out. I personally feel that the odds are stacked up against you even more when you are a celebrity (for reasons that I won’t get into here). But for a time, it seemed that Kim & Kanye were happy. They built a family. They seemed to be living their best lives. But ultimately….it didn’t work out.
But men like Kanye do not take either rejection well. Or maybe I should say that they do not appreciate anyone who messes up their idea of what their life should be. They really do not care about what the other person feels. If they are happy or not. All they care about is that you are not falling into line. You are not abiding by the rules that they set for their idea of a ‘perfect life’.
Here are some things that Kanye has done that just screams out that he is a narcissistic abuser:
Using the Kids
No one is a perfect parent. And the majority of parents out there profess profound love for their children. That is a given. But Kanye cries on social media about missing his children and wanting to ‘fix’ their family and also criticizes Kim’s parenting. And the frustrating thing about this, is that on the surface, there is nothing wrong here. In my experience (as limited as it is) most break-ups are situations where one party really wanted it to work out — and they other one, not so much. So that is normal. It is also normal to feel like your children would be better off seeing their parents together in a loving relationship.
It goes to another level when you do not separate the needs of the children from the needs of yourself. And then you use the kids as a proxy for yourself….or as a tool to keep yourself relevant to your ex. But it’s all about appearances, right? You have to tell the world that you are just trying to be a good father. That you just want to remain involved. Here’s the thing; you can do that — totally independently of your ex! Why do you need to go to the birthday party that your ex is throwing for your daughter — especially if you have a high-conflict relationship? Throw your own party. Go and take her somewhere on your own. Trust me. I grew up with two parents that really had little to do with each other. My Dad would take me places — have me for a week or so at a time. It was great – I never felt that my Dad wasn’t there or loved me any less because he didn’t do things in conjunction with my mother.
He Can Move On – But You Can’t
So Kanye had no problem dating again. Yet he is all about trying to sabotage the new relationship that Kim has found. It’s like they feel like they own you. I never had a relationship for my ex to sabotage. However, my ex’s new girlfriend lamented to me once, “You know he still loves you.” Ugh. Emotionally mature people know how to accept that there are things that they can’t change. And then they move on from them. Kanye telling his fans to yell at Pete Davidson on the street is probably the most emotionally immature thing I have ever seen a celebrity do. Seriously.
This actually occurs while you are in a relationship with an emotional abuser as well. But it also goes on after the relationship has ended (and hopefully — the relationship has ended). Yesterday, on Valentine’s Day, Kanye sent a pickup truck of roses to Kim; a woman who he divorced and is currently in a relationship with another man. My ex did the same thing. When I firmly told him we were done, he said that he wanted to take me and the kids out for dinner. He knew I liked Indian food, so we went to an Indian place. And guess what? The entire dinner was not about seeing and bonding with the kids. It was about talking and trying to find ways to get back together. He even proposed that we move back in together, but continue to date other people. No sir. I’m not into the roommate thing. And even if I were, you would be the last roommate that I would want! And the night didn’t end well. He ended up screaming at me and peeling rubber in the parking lot. Because, again, how dare I reject his efforts? After all, he’s trying!
I’ll end this by saying that I hope that Kanye gets the help (therapy, medication, all of the above), that he needs. But sadly, as long as he is enabled (and trust me, his money and fame enable him greatly) and sees himself as the victim; that is not likely to happen.